It’s been months since I’ve written anything worthwhile. Two months into starting my career, my first “big girl job,” and it hardly seems like there’s time for anything else. It’s hard to live in the world of professionalism and adulthood and still make time for the things I used to have time for. In the words of Faith Hill and Cindy Lou Who, my world is changing, it’s rearranging.
In the hurricane of this changing and rearranging, it feels like Jesus is changing too.
I once told you about the best ways to train yourselves to wake up for 5am or 6am quiet times, the best ways to get into a rhythm with coffee and your Bible. Right now, that is laughable. Do I wake up for 5am quiet times? Nope. Do I wake up at 6am? I certainly do, and I jump in the shower and race to work. I’ll put on some worship music in the car, but that’s about the extent of it.
It’s a combination of things, I think. My “real life” starting, church hopping for a year and a half finally wearing me out, my community in Young Life being gone, and a million other things. Under the weight of all these changes, it just feels like the Jesus I used to know is so far away. It feels like in my busyness and adjusting, I have left my relationship with Christ behind me.
And this is when I need to stop and breathe. Stop, and remember the things that I know to be true.
Jesus is more than a feeling.
Jesus is the living, breathing God, and He does not change based on how I feel about Him.
Even when I don’t have time for Jesus, He has time for me.
When it feels like I am stuck in place, Jesus is still chasing me relentlessly and tirelessly.
Jesus defeated death, He can also defeat post grad life.
I don’t know what a relationship with Jesus looks like in the post grad place that I’m in. I don’t know what it looks like to invite Him into a life that seems so jam packed already. I don’t know how to gracefully balance time with Christ and the early morning hours of a teacher.
But I know that my Jesus is the same as he was six months ago. I know that my Jesus loves me and pursues me and cares for me more than I can ever imagine, just as He always has. I know that His love for me does not change based on my diligence in opening my Bible, nor did He leave my side when I stepped down from being a Young Life leader.
I’m figuring out what the rhythm of this new life looks like, but I can cling to the truth of Hebrews 13:8, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
Jesus, thank you that you are bigger than anything I can conceive. Thank you that when everything changes, you are constant. Thank you that you love me and you died for me and your plans are greater than mine. Thank you that you meet me where I need you most, even when I don’t recognize it. Thank you for your faithfulness in the midst of my questioning. Wrap me up in your arms, bring me back to you. Amen.