As Christmas break comes to a close, my last semester of college quickly (and quite unbelievably) approaches.
The past three and a half years have been so good to me and so good for me. I have learned so much and have been pushed to my limits in more ways than I ever could have imagined. I have learned and loved and lost, celebrated and rejoiced and succeeded and failed. I have found who I am on my own, apart from my family, apart from Bowie High School.
I am at a crossroads of nostalgia and uncertainty- the roads behind me full of sweet memories and cherished moments that seem to close to let go of, and the roads ahead full of the terrifying unknown- one giant, looming question mark, an ever-growing knot in my stomach.
But it’s not time to look behind me, and it’s not yet time to look that far ahead. There is one final semester in front of us, one last hoorah before we walk our trembling legs and sweaty palms across that graduation stage. Before we make that walk, I want to look ahead at the promises and possibility of the next four months. I want to live in the present, in the fragile promise that lies between January and May.
I want to take this last semester to hold, cherish, and celebrate every moment.
I want to spend less time cleaning and more time playing.
I want to let petty frustrations fall to the ground for the sake of conversation and community.
I want to look at the dishes and crusted pans piling up in the kitchen sink, and instead of internally raging about which of the eleven of my roommates is to blame, sit down on the couch with a cup of coffee and join the conversation.
I want to invest in my Young Life girls. I want to invite them over for sleepovers and I want to hear way too many stories about the high school boys who have stolen and broken their hearts. I want to laugh and cry and hold them without letting go.
I want to dance more and worry less.
I want to spend too much money at a fancy restaurant with no justification other than community and reckless adventure.
I want to look friends in the eyes and tell them how much I love them, and how proud I am of them.
I want to take risks and go on adventures, skip class to make borderline irresponsible decisions.
I want to cherish each and every moment, treasure these last days when I can still use the excuse of being a college kid.
I want to spend every second that I can at Wilderness Ranch, playing in the mountains and proclaiming the gospel to high schoolers, regardless of how financially irresponsible it might be.
I want to let my roommates come into my room past 9:30pm, and let them snuggle in my bed, regardless of what time I’m waking up to teach.
I want to live in a constant state of freedom and adventure, saying yes at every opportunity.
I want to do the things that make me feel alive.
I want to grab ahold of this each moment of this semester like a 50 pound set of elk antlers, because that’s the choice of more adventure.
And when May comes along, and I look back at this semester, I want to say, “I am so glad I lived like that.”