Weddings, Engagements, and Prayers

My history with boys and perspective on marriage has quite the timeline.  As a new year begins and a new stage of life quickly approaches, this timeline and perspective changes right alongside it.

High School: I always had a relatively serious boyfriend.  Some more serious than others, but I was always in a relationship, and I dreamt about marriage during every single one.  During our best friend slumber party predictions, I always ranked at the top of the list for “who would get married first.”   I fantasized about marriage, knew I would have a fiancé by my 22nd birthday, and made out with boys while listening to “Today was a Fairytale.”

Freshman year of college: My first year without a boyfriend.  The “we’re not promised marriage” phase.  Don’t tell me I’m going to be a wonderful wife one day, because guess what?!  We’re not promised marriage!  These outburst weren’t some feminist movement, some cry out against the role of women in our world- no.  They were outbursts of fear.  I was terrified.  I was terrified that I wouldn’t get married, that all of hopes of marriage would be taken from me.  And so to protect my heart, I needed to recognize that I might not get married, and therefore shouldn’t dream about it, because I could end up 45 and alone with lots of cats and shattered dreams.

Sophomore year of college:  The beautiful realization that the desires inside our hearts, the desires for good things, are placed there by God, and scripture says He gives us the desires of our hearts.  (Psalm 37:4)  I should never desire a husband above Christ, but desiring marriage is okay.  Marriage is a good, beautiful, God given gift, and it is okay to hope for and dream of that.  I found so much freedom in this, and fear fell away with the new found trust that God is good and His plans are better than mine.

Junior year of college:  This was the “IDGAF” stage.  Marriage is great, I’ll probably get married one day, but right now, friends are more fun than boys and I’m 100% fine being single.  It was so much fun.  The light had come, and I had realized that marriage changes everything, and I wasn’t ready to give up any of my independence for those changes yet.  Mountains and margaritas were more fun than marriage.

Senior year of college:  Engagement season.  The engagements and weddings of close friends have brought about the end of the “IDGAF” stage.  So began the time of patiently waiting for my turn, all the while desiring that I could be the cool, independent, badass girl who rejoices in the “IDGAF” stage forever.

So here I am, sitting in bed at my parents’ house, far past the realization that my high school predictions have turned to dust.  I’m turning the page towards a new stage, a new perspective.  Yesterday I went to the bookstore and bought a new journal- 200 fresh new pages, a journal that will one day be given to a man who I love and choose to marry.  Today, I begin filling this journal with prayers.  Prayers for him, and for his heartIMG_2055, and for the man he is growing to be right now.

I know there will be new stages and perspectives ahead, hopefully the “holy sh*t I’m getting married” stage will come eventually.  But right now I’m called to wait, and waiting doesn’t mean putting my life on hold.  I can still be the badass, mountain climbing, margarita loving, gospel proclaiming girl I love being.  Waiting and trusting just means having a heart that is patient.  So while I’m not climbing a mountain or throwing a killer dance party with my best friends, I will take a moment aside to pray for the mystery man who will one day mean so much to me.

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”  Romans 8:25


9 thoughts on “Weddings, Engagements, and Prayers

  1. This is the best place to be with it, too. Living life for the now instead of for the “what if” or the “when’s it my turn?” will yield a much more meaningful time in you life no.

    Thanks for sharing this post via the Peony Project!


  2. leelee

    I am 29 and I still struggle with this from time to time. I love weddings. I love celebrating both my real life and blogging friends. I love hearing about marriages and babies. I love hearing the details of proposals. It is just hard waiting for my turn.


  3. I have to agree, waiting is very difficult to do. I know however, it will be all worth it once that person comes into my life. I’ve been struggling with this for as long as I know. I was referred to read the book “True Love Dates” by Debra Fileta, and I can definitely say, that it is an amazing guideline for all of us who is truly waiting, and has the strong desire for true love.


  4. I have to agree, waiting is very difficult to do. I know however, it will be all worth it once that person comes into my life. I’ve been struggling with this for as long as I know. I was referred to read the book “True Love Dates” by Debra Fileta, and I can definitely say, that it is an amazing guideline for all of us who is truly waiting, and has the strong desire for true love.


  5. I”m at the awkward stage of 24 where all of my friends are either married with children, getting married, or still out partying like they’re just starting college. I’m honestly happy for those that have marriage and I know that God’s will for me is perfect and that waiting for Him and His timing is the best, perfect, and only option for me. I am to wait in and on Him. Rest assured in His will. And have faith. It’s helpful to know that I’m not alone, and that there are girls like you in the same place I am. It seems lonely when you look around and see engagement rings everywhere, and I am so thankful for the Peony project and the internet for helping connect people and lives for encouragement and love. Keep holding on! In the middle of God’s will is right where we want to be! Much love!


  6. Oh I remember those days all too well. I love your “We’re not promised marriage!” phase! I also remember being afraid to dream of something that I might potentially never have. And I remember buying a journal and writing/praying for my future husband (it really helped.)

    Now that I am married, I realize more fully than ever that we are only fully satisfied by God. I LOVE being married and have a wonderful husband, don’t get me wrong. But I also see a lot of the fantasy of it all through a more clear lens. It’s hard work! But work worth doing. 🙂 Love this post!


  7. Kimberley McClintock

    Thanks for sharing this. It’s such a great reminder for me being in a similar life stage. I also have done the writing/praying for my future husband journal and it’s a great habit.

    God Bless – Kimberley


  8. iamkellyann

    I always feel weird commenting on posts like this because I’m married … I remember always getting annoyed with married women when they said “your time will come! enjoy the season you’re in!” I just wanted to shout “Easy for you to say!!! You’ve made it! You’re married!”

    BUT….I’m here to say….your time will come! enjoy this season! haha, you have such a beautiful soul, and marriage is fun … but I so wish I had enjoyed my time being single more than I did. Pining for marriage is sooo time consuming, and frankly, not worth it. Everything you said is so true! Travel, have fun, drink those margaritas! And embrace the independence that God has given you.


  9. Pingback: A Year in the Books: My First Blogiversary | Erin Taylor Green

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