This weekend my Young Life girls and I spent our third Polar Bear Weekend together. The past two years have been full of crowded cabins, confessions, tears, and celebrations of salvation.
This year was a little bit different. There were no monumental, ground breaking moments. Cabin times ended on time, conversation was seemingly normal. Our group was smaller, and I was the only leader for our grade. I felt like I had less to give, and my energy and patience were spent. I felt like nothing good came out of me, like all of my girls were the same coming out as they were going in. Like this whole weekend didn’t really matter.
But as I look back over the weekend, I have to trust. I have to trust that Christ is working even when I don’t see the fireworks. I have to trust that He is working in the little moments- the morning wake ups, the hugs, the small words of encouragement, the laughs, the piggy back rides, the time throwing the football, the third time jumping up and down to “Let it Go.” My girls might not remember this weekend as the weekend they accepted Christ, or made a life changing decision, but they will remember me. They will remember our relationships. Even when it feels like I haven’t done enough.
During our last cabin time together, the question I asked was, “On the cross, Jesus’ last words were ‘it is finished.’ Everything that needs to be done is done. We can rest. In what part of your life do you just not believe ‘it is finished?'”
They had a variety of answers- insecurities, body image, family relationships. But I realize now that for me, the answer is them. It is so hard for me to believe that it is finished, that all of the work that needs to be done for them, for those high school girls I hold so close to my heart, is done. Because of Christ, they are fully loved, fully known, and fully accepted. There is nothing I can do to make them believe this more, and there is nothing I can do to make them believe this less. They rest in His hands. Their futures are secure in Him. The work for their salvation was done on the cross. It is finished. Their futures and their relationships with Jesus are in His hands, and my shortcomings are nothing compared to His grace. Their lives are resting in the palms of the one who created them, and I can trust in Him. I can stop trying to do everything right, and beating myself up for not doing enough.
One of my favorite memories with my sweet high school girls is one of rest. We spent a weekend at a lake house in Corsicana last Spring, and while a bunch of the girls were chatting in another room, I curled up on the couch in the living room with Haley and Meagan. There were no words spoken, no scripture read or hard questions asked. We laid there wrapped up together, and fell asleep. It was a moment of complete rest and security. I didn’t need to say anything, I didn’t worry that I wasn’t doing enough. I just needed to be there. To rest.
I want to have more moments like that. I want to rest, to fully believe that my Creator and my Savior can take it from here. That I don’t need to work work work for these friends to know Him. He lets me join Him and walk alongside His precious daughters in this journey, but ultimately, the work is done. It is finished. He has done what needs to be done, and there is nothing more that I can do.
This weekend was just as valuable as every other weekend together- just as valuable as the tears, and the confessions, and the moments rejoicing over a new sister. Jesus is consistent, and He shows up and speaks truth to our hearts, even when we can’t recognize it. He’s teaching me to rest, to give up control and trust that He’s got it from here. It is finished.